Tuesday, May 25, 2010

The Grief We Carry Arround

This weekend, my partner and I were having lunch and we were chatting about a set of adorable twin boys he knows who are on the spectrum but receiving a great deal of early intervention. He predicted that these boys will be able to go off to kindergarten in two years and nobody would ever guess they have autism.

My eyes instantly flooded with tears.

I didn't even have time to think about it; the grief just washed over me.

That's not my son. Why can't that be Blink? Why us? Will everything always be difficult because we didn't figure everything out earlier? And of course... Why didn't I get him help earlier? If only...

The amazing thing for me was that when I looked at my partner, I saw the same grief on his face, as well. The grief may still well up unexpectedly and fiercely (will that ever stop?), but at least I'm no longer alone on this journey.


Julie said...

You know, we found out pretty early. B was 2 1/2, and we did a lot of OT and speech and social skills, and she is not able to be in a mainstream class. I often think I didn't do enough. That if I had done hours and hours of floortime or ABA, then she would be in a mainstream class. And I feel grief too when I hear about a kid with autism who is in a mainstream class.

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