"I know how to reign him in."

The stars aligned and Blink woke up calm and happy this morning. I explained the situation and he was comfortable going by himself.

When I picked him up, I asked the teacher how he did without extra support.  She smiled and said, "He did pretty good. I know how how to reign him in now.  I can just tell him I'm not going to do it all for him."  She's had him in classes before, which I think helped tremendously.  I again felt a little pang that Blink at his best is still...definitively different, but it was clearly a success.

I got the sense that he demands a lot of attention in a group setting -- far more than his fair share -- but that he wasn't disruptive or explosive.  But also that her job will be easier when our wonderful PCA is better. (Stomach flu, poor thing.)

Whew! I'm relieved.

Flying Solo?

This week, Blink has morning day camp at the awesome artsy-science nonprofit in our neighborhood. He has been attending programs there, with PCA (an aide, essentially) support, for years. This summer, especially, it has gone pretty well. The main problem tends to be that Blink can get rather...enthusiastic when excited about something and he doesn't know when to stop asking questions.  He also has trouble with cleaning up at the end of something.

So today started off a new weeklong camp -- Raiders of the Lost Junkyard. Today the teacher set out an array of electronics and tools and told the kids to dismantle away to find pieces they can use to build their own creations.  Heavenly, right?  Blink sure thought so.  (He's making a sculpture of Boba Fett.)

I bring all this up because wonderful PCA just texted me to tell me she has been throwing up all night.  So, tomorrow...  I think I might try to send him solo.  I could go and act as an aide, but I think that would be embarrassing to him.  No, I know it would be. Then there's the little problem that his camp and his sister's let out at the same time.  I suppose the thing to do would be to pick her up a few minutes early so we can be there if any clean-up strong-arming is needed at the end.

Wish us luck!  This is uncharted territory.

Getting Unstuck.

Blink came home from the long weekend at his father's in a mood. He wanted to get on the computer to look up the price of a specific Lego item and he was pretty agitated about this -- it had obviously been a source of contention with his father.  I was pretty wary, too. It seems like whenever I let him get on the computer, particularly Lego. com, he gets more and more escalated.

So I said no.  He got upset.  I ignored.  I told him, "You have a problem. Your problem is that you're stuck. I will help you with your problem when you're calm."

He got calm and tried to talk to me about it again.  And here I was unsure.  He was calm -- that's good!  But he still wants to check it -- does this count as badgering? (yeah, I guess....)  It wasn't a particularly unreasonable request on its own, to check a price....  But it was feeding obsessive behavior.

So I made him a deal.  He had to not talk about it for a half hour, which would take us up through dinner time.  And agree to go for a walk/scooter ride after dinner.

He agreed and held his end of the bargain.  So we looked it up.  And it was nowhere to be found on lego.com.  I found it on Amazon for $30, which was three times more than he was expecting. I tried to help him find it on the Lego site so we could have a good idea what the baseline price was...  But no dice.  I was nervous, thinking this would surely push the kid over the edge.

But no.  I closed the laptop and shrugged and he said, "That's weird."  And we went on our walk/ride.

Three Days...

The past three days, Blink has gotten more exercise than he did in the entire last month. And the number of challenging moments?

Zero.

I know, three days isn't long enough to bank on.  But I'm feeling some optimism, and after this past month, hoo boy, is that a good thing.

On Independence

Blink's ninth birthday was yesterday. As part of our celebrations, we went to a suburban pool for the afternoon. Actually water park would be a better descriptor. This place was off the charts. The highlight for Blink was the 4-story tall water slides. The boy whom we've been struggling to get up off the couch for months climbed four flights of stairs dozens of times. It was wonderful.

What was not wonderful (for me) was having to make snap decisions on how much independence to let Blink have. Clearly, other kids his age were navigating the park independently. Blink had the drive and the confidence to do so as well. Luckily, I was there with a friend and I was able to ask her what she thought about the situation. She encouraged me to let him have some freedom.

So I did. He asked if he could walk around by himself during a pool break while his sister and her buddies played in the sand area. I said yes but told him he needed to come find me and ask me before he got back into the water. I told him it was a test to see if he was responsible enough.  He followed through!  So I let him go.

Blink's not a daredevil (though he sure did enjoy the rush of the slides!) so I wasn't worried about his physical safety. The pool is not deep and there are lifeguards (attentive ones, even) everywhere. Instead, I was worried about a dispute or an altercation with another child. Luckily, that didn't happen.  I'm still on the fence about whether it was a good idea. I'd hate for him to get in a fight with a three-year-old, you know?  I guess we'll have some preemptive talks about the responsibility that goes along with independence.

But spectrum parents, how do you know when to let go?  Is it even possible to be a helicopter parent when you have a child who is quite delayed socially/emotionally?

Blink frequently goes to the lake with his wonderful PCA and she confirmed something I have often thought: water tends to regulate him. I'm so excited about having another outlet for everyone to have fun and get some exercise. We got a season pass thanks to my mother's generosity, so I intend to go often!

P.S.  When I asked Blink in passing if he wanted to do the next session of swim lessons, his answer was an unequivocal YES.

On Swimming and Growth

Blink started swimming lessons a few weeks ago. Upon the advice of some trusted experts in the field, I decided to hold my breath and start him out in regular lessons at the YWCA where his sister takes hers and loves them. The teachers are great, the classes are small (3-4 kids apiece), and when I asked them if they'd worked with Aspie kids before they didn't sound scared. So the idea was to see if it worked before moving to something more private/autism-oriented.

The first lesson, Blink started out well but then stormed out of the pool and said the teacher wasn't teaching him right

His father had taken him, so I didn't have firsthand observations to go on, but I think he felt anxious and self-conscious about being bigger than the others and maybe making mistakes. He'd rather not do something at all than to try and make a mistake. Sometimes this is hard to see because he's so busy being angry and dramatic about it.

To say I was a bit worried about the second lesson would be an understatement.  I decided to make a comic strip with a superhero that taught Alex "how to act at swim lessons."  We read it a few times and I held my breath as he went off to the second swim lesson and I went off to an autism workshop.

At the workshop, I listened to two parents describe how their older sons on the spectrum are on the swim teams. How swimming has become a fantastic sport for them. How it's given the confidence and mentors as they enter the teen years. It was inspiring and a very timely reminder to stick with the swimming.  Imagine if they'd given up after a first lesson!

Later, I learned Blink did a great job following directions at his second lesson.  Whew!  I hope we can keep it going.

A New Specialist to Visit, Oh Boy!

I must offer my apologies for the dearth of posts lately. It's continued to be a challenging time for Blink and a time of major, multiple transitions for the entire family (more on these to come in future posts) and that's sapping my usual posting energy. 

I took Blink to the pediatrician this week, because it's become increasingly clear that he's walking funny.  Or to be more specific, toeing in.  Blink says it "feels good" to walk this way.  Hmm.  He never used to do this!  Is it related somehow to his lack of stamina, I wonder?  Of course I first realized something was going on about a week after our OT fired us, so I didn't have someone to casually run it by.  So, what the heck, to the pediatrician's we went, where Blink was charming (whew) and slightly manic in his conversations about pets.  And where we received a referral to an Orthopedist and the intimation that he'll probably need some physical therapy.

So, in a month we will see what's going on. I'm not terribly worried, but I am weary at the thought of adding another specialist to our roster.